A few days back, I would crash upon turning the computer on. Nothing would be running as of yet but the YM, which was on StartUp, and then it would be instantly followed by the black screen. Tons of messages would appear in white font, which reminded of the old computers back then. It was too long, and too fast for me to read, and then it would redirect to the options of Safe Mode, blah blah, or Start Windows Normally.

I had no clue what's going on. It happened again the following day. This time it crashed twice. I was getting suspicious, and nervous at the same time. What could be going on? Darn. All I know is surf and write, and take screenshots. I am such a noob when it comes to techie stuffs.

The next day, I crashed again. I was able to read in part the white-fonted message that showed up after the black screen. But was immediately redirected to the options in starting Windows. I chose safe mode. I tried reading and reading some more, but actually have no clue what to do. I got my recovery media, ready to reprogram anytime.

I had Phonk on IM for a while, and he told me to hold off reformatting and try other stuffs first.  I was so frustrated. I even begged him to come and fix it for me. Yes.  That frustrated!

When I got the messages System 32 corrupt, and all other programs closing before the black screen, I thought it was a virus. Then I remembered the time I was watching the movie Orphan, a series of warning from Avira came up (I think it was like ten warning pop ups) that something is trying to access my computer, and it has a Trojan Virus. I was like wth are you doing, you're the antivirus? Deny access then. I went on watching. Everything went well.

And then came the crashes the following days. Sigh. I guess the attack came through anyway. My system was corrupted, and no system repair would do. Or so I thought.  Believe me, I tried to understand and tried my best to recover everything. Geez. Why wouldn't I? I have no backups!

But as fate would have it, after 5 long hours of trying to recover everything, I gave up and reformatted my computer. It took a long time, and being in a very bad mood already, plus the fact that I had no idea what I was doing just made it such a bad day. I was near to tears. So tired, so frustrated.

Finally, early evening (I started troubleshooting at 5AM) I was able to finish reformatting. And tried installing the programs that I had. It was not easy. I can't even remember the other programs.  Amnes-Ny, remember?  'doh!

Then the realization came. The bookmarks, the music, the pictures, my writings... They're all wiped out.

I was trying to pacify myself by thinking that it is for the best. Maybe I should learn to try to let go? Maybe I was keeping too much crap already? Maybe it's a wake up call to be more aware of things and commit things to memory than just depend on saving everything in one place.

 I know what I lost were irreplaceable. I cannot bring them back. I may write again from scratch, but the pictures... I still feel bad about losing everything.  And I'm not just talking about There stuffs. :(

Once in a while, I would be reminded of the things that I don't have anymore. (I can't remember my online banking PW as well. And after three times of trying to log in, I was blocked.) Great huh?

But somehow I am still thankful that I am online once again. I am back, and whatever it is that I lost, I am sure I would get better memories in time.