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softlydreaming

softlydreaming

After Guildwars 2, Forsaken World, and now Age of Wushu and Tera... there.com sems so long ago and so far away. Yet it was my first online experience and I miss you all

Blog entries tagged in softly

Posted by on in Personal and Diary

 It's funny how you can be struck with waves of happiness, pure utter joy. Kind of how you feel when you see incredible beauty surrounding you in nature. Watching a sunset on the ocean from a cliff overlooking the splashing white waves. Being in the water itself just floating on your back with the sunshine warmly kissing your face. If it's because of life circumstances that joy strikes you such as a promotion, a new lover, an long-awaited accomplishment it makes sense. But when it just happens in your everyday existence and fills you with strength and health it's something so very different.  When it happens because of something inside, when all feels right with your life, with the decisions you made and you find true peace it is incredibly amazing. Sometimes things come full circle. Life has a way of hitting you hard and when it stops shaking you relentlessly it is so sweet. One time I got caught in a traffic jam in the Holland tunnel in New York city and what was normally something you just went through without thinking about became something almost intolerable. I smelled the diesel fuel which I hadn't noticed before, I stared at the ceiling thinking about the ocean crashing through, worried about the possibility of accidents and the length of time we would all be stuck there. That's how it is with life, we can feel trapped by our circumstances without a way out. When the traffic let up and we moved after 45 minutes I was so happy to be free, almost ecstatic. Sometimes life sets you free. It's suddenly good, peaceful, amazing. Periodically you laugh, naturally, spontaneously, and genuinely. It's like the movies we have all seen. Everything starts out beautiful, seemingly happy but something is nagging, lurking, breathing dangerously in the background. WE see it all happening to the the victim and we just want to scream and shake them and say no don't trust them, don't go in that room, run! And of course they don't. We watch helplessly as someone methodically tries to take their happiness, and drain every ounce of their life away. But they fight back, maybe not the way we would but they struggle and they win. The victim and the agressor always get into a physical struggle, and they are often at some perilous height about to lose their life. It looks like the perpertrator is winning and then by some miracle the main character we have come to know and are rooting for is on top.They are at the cliff with their opponent about to fall and they have a choice: to save the enemy's life or just let go. Whether it's memories of when the nemisis was nicer or just their respect of life they try to help them. Then the killer suddenly has a new knife and stabs their arm and hand and trys to pull them over. And then they do the only possible thing they can they just let go. At that point everything was tried, explored and exhausted. And now they are truly happy with no guilt, shame or remorse. Never to be in fear again. Circumstances have changed, there is unexpected relief and hope. Joy hits them and someone says something sweet or funny and they laugh, they just laugh. Maybe a just a little more than the sweet peaceful moment calls for, but we understand, we know why and we laugh with them.

Tagged in: softly softlydreaming
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Posted by on in Personal and Diary

 An American writer once said "cure for an Obsession: get another one." Some people say it's healthy. You get an idea in your head and you just can't let go. You work at that project, that dream until it's real, until it's amazing. You long for your results. Admiration of what you've accomplished, will accomplish and an unrelenting desire spurs you on. That is good, in a way. When people tell you your dream is impossible you don't let it stop you. Leonardo Da Vinci added single strokes to his paintings for years and refused to give certain comissioned artwork to the owner, continuing to perfect it. Was he obsessed- yes. Yet he became one of the greatest masters of all time. We find obsession is in all of us... so powerful and so dangerous. Actually the most famous love stories of all time explore obsession. What is scary is when the obsession is not an idea or a project but it's you. It's a person. Someone just can't let you go and you find that it's gone on for so long your not sure if you truly want to be free. Sometimes it's simple obsession you just need a situation resolved, people will go to extra-ordinary lengths for the apology they believe the are entitled to, or the revenge they can't stop themselves from exacting. They sit by the phone waiting for that new or old love to call and then get disapointed~ but can't stop hoping. That's simple. When it's not so simple that's when it scares you so deep inside. When the obsession turns to stalking, and you try to stop them but they won't. The only thing you can hope for is they will fixate on something else because if they don't... the unspeakable may happen. What makes a mind do this can't really be determined. Some say there is an unseen attraction between the dominated and dominator. Some polar magnetism that attracts and repels marking the tension between the stalker and his prey. So the innocent mouse in it's panic and fear moves in such a way as to excite the cat to play with it to either an accidental demise or a frustrated viscous deliberate death blow. Interestingly the cat may actually become bored or distracted. And the injured mouse may or may not have the strength to run away. That predator can suddenly stop being interested. Leaving you to hope they can and will get another obsession, finally stop stop looking at you. Then you would be free, at least for a while...

scared

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